I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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