i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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