Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
