I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
