my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize