Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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