Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
