bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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