Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
