he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
