my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
God, I missed his penis.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
