what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
