oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
