I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
