No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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