I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
