Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
