I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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