update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
