No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
