the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
