There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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