Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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