she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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