i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
