He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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