out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
