ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
this will be a night to untag.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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