No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
