Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize