just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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