i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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