i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
did you just send me my own nude
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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