i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
