Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
