I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
