yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
