i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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