his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
