I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Boobs are out for the taking
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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