shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
