I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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