Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
