You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
