nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
