well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
