So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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