I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
