I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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