I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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