grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
