Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I puked a lego.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You're like the curious george of whores
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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