A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
