...so i touched it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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