And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
