I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
