yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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