Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
