there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
