I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
