You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
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Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
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im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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