Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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