so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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