i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
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I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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