I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
