waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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