turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My feet surprised me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
