Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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