the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
