My sheets look like a crime scene.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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