how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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