Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Randomize
