I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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