There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
