Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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