i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
