My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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